I changed my mind.

I have changed my mind and will, for a time atleast, continue to post on this blog as well as our family blog.

When Gideon was born and each day seemed to bring worse news, I began to realize that we might be in the beginning of something bigger than I had ever imagined. This scripture kept coming to my mind.

D&C 121:7 "My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exhalt thee on high..."

It filled me with great peace and strength, but I could not remember, or find, the scripture reference. Lately I have been “blog surfing” through blogs of other families who have children with CHD(congenital heart defects) and I found it on two different blogs. I see that others were comforted as well and one even included another scripture that is added inspiration to me.

D&C 123:17 "Therefore... let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed."

I have really been uplifted as well as disconcerted by the words and experiences of other moms with “heart” children. I find myself feeling comfort in our commonality, but scared as I learn more about what these mothers and families and “heart” children are living with. I have not found any stories of children with Gideon’s particular heart defect, but I hope that I will. Mostly, I hear of children with HLHS(hypoplastic left heart syndrome) or TOF(tetralogy of fallot). These conditions are usually accompanied by a myriad of other problems as well. Many of these family’s have a list of “heart buddies” who they follow. Some of the buddy’s names have Angel in front of them meaning that they have finished their mission on this earth and no longer have a heart condition. I don’t know what to think. I confess, I left Primary Children’s with Gideon and the idea that he would soon be off the oxygen and all other meds except Baby Aspirin. I see that I may be off on my assumptions and even if I am right about Gideon I am stymied thinking about the world of CHD and all that Gideon and our family may be a part of. The stories I have read almost always swell my heart with love for the moms who are dealing with their child’s heart health and all of the other “normal” life stuff. I can’t even swallow normally when I read the blog of a family I met briefly while still at PCMC with Gideon. Their baby girl was born March 30 and they have been home with her only two of the days since then. She is teetering in a very precarious place, but she, and they, keep fighting with a ferociousness that is completely endearing. I love them. I LOVE the scriptures. I am so grateful for the good news of the gospel. I am grateful for words to bring peace to my mind and comfort to my soul.

I decided to join an organization called IHH(Intermountain Healing Hearts). They have a forum there where families can update others about their child’s clinical condition or what surgeries they are facing. IHH holds fun activities and gives families dealing with CHD’s the chance to have a relationship with others who really know what this feels like. I believe we will make wonderful friends and I know we will be blessed to know them. ☺